Month: January 2023

100 Enlightening Ramana Maharshi Quotes – Inspirational!

100 Enlightening Ramana Maharshi Quotes – Inspirational!

Ramana Maharshi (1879-1950) is widely acknowledged as one of the outstanding Indian gurus of modern times. He was born in Tiruchuli, Tamil Nadu (South India), named Venkataraman Iyer. At the age of sixteen, Venkataraman lost his sense of individual selfhood, an awakening which he later…

14 Wonderful Quotes – W/C 23rd January 2023

14 Wonderful Quotes – W/C 23rd January 2023

The right quote at the right time can transform your life. Not all quotes are powerful, but every once in a while, you come across a quote that stands out from the rest. These powerful quotes inspire you to take a step back and to…

Dr. Joseph Murphy Affirmations – Divine Love, Joy, Peace, Beauty, Success, Health & Abundance

Dr. Joseph Murphy Affirmations – Divine Love, Joy, Peace, Beauty, Success, Health & Abundance

Are you looking for ways to improve your life by taking control of your subconscious mind?  In this case, you are in the right place because, in this post, I am going to list some of the best Dr. Joseph Murphy affirmations I could find – and I am sure that if you’re interested in the power of the subconscious mind, you know who Joseph Murphy is.

Dr. Joseph Murphy was an American-Irish author, a firm believer in New Age Spirituality, and the founder of the Divine Science Church. He had a powerful influence on how New Age Spirituality was developed and wrote several books explaining how people can use their subconscious mind to their advantage.

In his books, he explains what the subconscious mind is, how it leads our life from the the shadows, and how we can tap into it and improve our live– turning it into our “servant.” Joseph Murphy also explores topics such as: how to have a strong connection to the Divine, how to use the healing power of love, how to pray effectively, how to attract abundance and how to use the laws of the mind.

Amongst his most popular books, you can find: “the power of your subconscious mind,” “Within you is the power,” “How to use the laws of mind,” “These Truths can change your life,” “Miracle Power for Infinite Riches,” “How to attract money” and “Believe in yourself.”

Below you will find 20+ affirmations on categories such as Divine Love, Joy, Peace, Beauty, Success, Health and Abundance. Simply repeat the appropriate affirmation whenever you can. First thing in the morning, and right before sleep at night is an excellent time to practice. These can be read out loud or in your mind, but try to create a feeling behind the affirmation.

Books by Dr. Joseph Murphy:

I recommend any books by Dr. Joseph Murphy, but the below have had an amazing impact on my journey.

   

 

 

What is the subconscious mind?

The subconscious is as a storehouse of all the experiences, knowledge, and emotions not held in our conscious, active brain. The subconscious is best described as an iceberg. The tip, that approximately 10% that sticks out of the water, that’s your conscious mind. It’s your decision-making centre, it’s your active willpower, and it’s where you think logically and critically.

That other 90% that lies beneath the water? That’s your subconscious. It’s the part of your mind that informs the decisions you make with the biases, heuristics, memories, emotions, and beliefs in its storage. Think of your subconscious mind as your internal programming, which informs everything you do.

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Joseph Murphy states:

“There are two levels of your mind—the conscious or rational level, and the subconscious or irrational level. You think with your conscious mind, and whatever you habitually think sinks down into your subconscious mind, which creates according to the nature of your thoughts. Your subconscious mind is the seat of your emotions and is the creative mind. If you think good, good will follow; if you think evil, evil will follow. This is the way your mind works. The main point to remember is once the subconscious mind accepts an idea, it begins to execute it.”

 

How Dr. Joseph Murphy helped me

Dr. Joseph Murphy’s teachings helped me, by guiding me to replace negative thought patterns with positive ones. He guided me to dive deep into my subconscious mind and uproot years of mental conditioning (I’m still very much a work in progress). When you are present, and a negative thought arises, simply repeat a positive affirmation.

This will eventually weed out the negative thought pattern. It is also important to add a positive image to the affirmation through your imagination. This is because the feeling within, is the secret to change. As the chemistry within us changes, our frequency rises and the Universe will bring into our reality the experiences to match our frequency. Take you time with this process, and don’t be hard on yourself. It may be tough at times, but it will be 100% worth the effort.

Neville Goddard – “A change of feeling is a change of destiny.”

 

 

Dr. Joseph Murphy Affirmations – Divine Love, Joy, Peace, Beauty, Success, Health & Abundance

 

Here’s 20+ affirmations from Dr. Joseph Murphy, I hope you find them as wonderful as I do.


Divine order takes charge of my life today, and every day! All things work together toward my reward and benefit. Today is a new and wonderful day for me. I am divinely guided all day long, and whatever I do will prosper. Divine love surrounds me, unfolds me, and unwraps me and I go forth in peace. Whenever my attention wanders away from that which is good and constructive I immediately bring it back to the contemplation of that which is lovely and of good report.


I am a spiritual and mental magnet, attracting to myself all things which bless and prosper me. I am going to be a wonderful success in all my undertakings today. I am definitely going to be happy all day long.


My body and all its organs were created by the infinite intelligence of my subconscious mind. It knows how to heal me! Its wisdom fashioned all my organs, tissues, muscles, and bones. This infinite healing presence within me is now transforming every atom of my being, making me whole and perfect, now. I give thanks for the healing I know that is taking place now.


Wonderful are the works of the creative intelligence within me. The perfection of God is now being expressed through me. The idea of perfect health is now filling my subconscious mind. The image of God is a perfect image and my subconscious mind recreates my body in perfect accordance with the perfect image held in the mind of God. I am healed! I feel wonderful! I’ve experienced instant healing.


I am transformed. Wealth, success, wealth, success, wealth, success… I like money! I love it! I use it wisely, constructively, and judiciously. Money is constantly circulating in my life. I release it with joy, and it returns to me multiplied in a wonderful way. It is good and very good! Money flows to me in avalanches of abundance! I use it for good, only, and I am grateful for my good, and for the riches of my mind. I am one with the infinite riches of my subconscious mind. It is my right to be rich, happy, and successful. Money flows to me freely, copiously, and endlessly. I am forever conscious of my true worth! I give of my talents freely, and I am wonderfully blessed financially. It is wonderful. I like money. I use it wisely, constructively, and judiciously. I release it with joy, and it returns a thousandfold.


My sales are improving every day! I am advancing, progressing, and getting wealthier every day.

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The infinite intelligence, which gave me this desire leads, guides, and reveals to be the perfect plan for the unfolding of my desire. I know the deeper wisdom of my subconscious is now responding, and what I feel and claim within is expressed in the without. There is a balance equilibrium and equanimity. I can do all things through the power of my own subconscious mind. I believe that the subconscious power which gave me this desire is now fulfilling it through me. Joy, happiness, and cheerfulness are now becoming my normal states of mind. Every day, I am becoming more and more loveable and understanding. I am now becoming the center of cheer and goodwill to all those around me, infecting them with good humor. This happy, joyous, and cheerful mood is now becoming my normal natural state, and I am infinitely grateful.


Infinite intelligence leads and guides me in all ways. Perfect health is mine and the law of harmony operates in my mind and body. Beauty, love, peace, and abundance are mind. The principle of right action and divine order govern my entire life. I know my major premise is based on the eternal truths of life, and I know, feel, and believe that my subconscious mind responds according to the nature of my conscious thinking.


I am whole. I am perfect. I am strong. I am powerful. I am loving. I am harmonious, and I am happy.


I am wise in the way of divine life. Infinite intelligence knows the answer – to way out, even before I ask. As I call on the supreme wisdom now, I know its nature is to respond to me. I will clearly recognize the lead or answer when it comes. I know it comes clearly into my conscious reasoning mind, and I recognize it instantly. The infinite intelligence within me knows all things. The right decision is revealed to me in divine order. I immediately recognize the answer when it comes. I turn to God’s presence within me and commune with divine love and divine peace to restore my soul. Divine love fills my soul. Divine right action is mine. Divine harmony governs my life. Divine peace fills my soul. Divine beauty is mine. Divine joy fills my soul. I am divinely guided in all ways. I am illumined from on high. I know and believe that God’s will for me is a greater measure of life, love, truth, and beauty. Something transcending my fondest dreams. I know that God loves me, and cares for me. God’s river of peace, love, and joy is now flowing through me, revitalizing, healing, and restoring my soul.


The Lord is my shepherd! I sing the song of the jubilant soul for I have chosen God as my shepherd. Divine intelligence rules and guides me in all my ways. I shall not want for peace, harmony, or guidance because God’s wisdom governs me. I lie down in green pastures since God is prospering me beyond my wildest dreams. I find myself beside the still waters as I claim the infinite peace of God. God floods my heart and mind. My emotions are still and calm. My mind is now serene and it reflects God’s heavenly truths and light. My soul is restored!


I think of God’s holy presence within me all day long. I walk the path of righteousness through my devotion and attention to God’s eternal verities. I know there is no death, and I fear no evil. I know God has not given us the spirit of fear but the spirit of love, power, and a sound mind. God’s love and truth comfort, sustain and nourish me. The banquet table of God is always set before me! It is the secret place of the most-high where in my thoughts I walk and I talk with God. I eat the nourishing truths of God whenever fear, worry, and my enemies trouble me. The bread I eat is God’s idea of peace, love, and faith in all things good. The meat I eat is the omnipotence of God. The wine I drink is the essence of joy. The wisdom of God anoints my intellect. It is a lamp unto my feet and a light on my path.


My heart or the subconscious mind is truly the chamber of God’s holy presence. It runneth over with love and joy. I mentally dwell on goodness, truth, and beauty. This is my house of God. I am born to win, to conquer, and to live a triumphant life. God’s peace fills my soul. The light of God shines in me. I think, speak and act from the divine center within me. God thinks, speaks, and acts through me. God reveals to me great riches, prosperity, abundance, plans, ideas, and means in which to attain them.


I am prosperous, I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am happy, I feel wonderful! Something wonderful is happening today. I feel happy, I feel healthy, I feel heavenly. God’s river of peace saturates my mind and heart. I rest in the everlasting arms of wisdom, truth, and beauty. God’s will for me is to express love, beauty, joy, harmony, and life more abundant. God’s will for me is something wonderful, marvelous, and beautiful transcending my fondest dreams.

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God is absolute peace, God is boundless joy, God is boundless love, God is wholeness, beauty, and perfection. God is the same thing yesterday, today, and forever. I identify and acknowledge the infinite presence and power within me. I claim harmony, peace, beauty, love, joy, right action, and divine law and order. I am divinely guided. I am divinely whole. I am filled with divine beauty. I am filled with divine perfection. No stranger can move me! I overcome all vexations and difficulties. Success is mine! Harmony is mine! Abundance is mine! God pronounced everything good. Whatever I eat or drink is transmuted into beauty, order, symmetry, and proportion. I am harmonized and vitalized. I eat the bread of heaven, and I drink the wine of joy. In my body, I see order, peace, wholeness, and beauty. It is wonderful. I am divinely guided and live in joyous expectancy of the best, and the best always comes to me.


God is on my side! God loves me and cares for me. God is my boss, my coworker, my guide and opens up the way for greater expression for me. Peace is the power at the heart of God. I project my inner peace on all people and conditions. Peace is at the center of my being and is the soul of the universe. I am now in the agreement with my divine center and I find my way to advancement and true expression. I am the son/daughter of the living God. God loves me and cares for me. I exalt God in the midst of me. God’s presence flows through me as harmony, health, peace, joy, and abundance.


I exalt God in the midst of me. God’s peace fills my soul. God’s love saturates my mind and heart. The light of God shines in me and all of humanity. I am contributing to the peace, harmony, and joy that is changing this world for the better. I use my precious mental and spiritual energy to create and construct a better world for all of humanity. I use my energy constructively and create my health, and happiness for myself, and all of those around me.


I claim God’s love, and it fills my soul now. I know that when His love flows in my heart all resentment is dissolved. I forgive myself for harboring any negative destructive thoughts about another, and I resolve not to do this anymore. I tune in with the infinite one within me and I think, speak, act, and react from the standpoint of God and his law of love. I fully and freely forgive everyone. I radiate love, peace, goodwill, and all the blessings of Heaven to them. They are free and I am free. I know when I have released others from my mind because I can meet them in my mind and there is absolutely no sting. On the contrary, there is always a wave of peace and a blessing from my heart.


God knows the solution to all my problems! I boldly claim my good and insist on harmony, health, and abundant life. My mind is full of peace, poise, balance, and equilibrium. The infinite lies stretched in smiling repose within me. I am not afraid of anything in the past, the present, or the future. The infinite intelligence of my subconscious mind leads, guides, and directs me in all ways. I now meet every situation with faith, poise, calmness, and confidence. I am now completely free from the habit. My mind is now full of inner peace, freedom, and joy. I forgive myself, then, I am forgiven.


Peace, sobriety, and confidence reign supreme in my mind. I sing beautifully. I am poised, serene, confident, and calm. My memory from today on is improving in every department. I always remember whatever I need to know at every moment of time and point of space. The impressions received will be clearer and more definite. I shall retain them automatically and with ease. Whatever I wish to recall will immediately present itself in the correct form in my mind. I am improving rapidly every day, and very soon my memory will be better than it has been ever before.

Dr. Joseph Murphy abundance

I realize that my subconscious mind is a storehouse of memory! It retains everything I read and hear. I have perfect memory and the infinite intelligence in my subconscious mind constantly reveals to me everything I need to know exactly when I need to know it, whether that be something that I read, heard, spoke, or written. I radiate love and goodwill to everyone in my life, and I sincerely wish for them success and all good things. The infinite intelligence of my subconscious mind reveals to me everything I need to know at all times, everywhere.


God gives me freedom, sobriety, and peace of mind! Thank you, Father!


All who come to me are blessed, healed, prospered, and they gladly pay me in divine order. I fully and freely forgive everyone and sincerely wish for them harmony, health, peace, and all the blessings of me. I am at peace, I am poised, serene, and calm. I rest in security and peace. I fully and freely forgive everyone who has ever done me wrong. I release them mentally and spiritually. I completely forgive everything connected with the matter in question. I am free, and they are free. It is a marvelous feeling! It is my day of general amnesty!


I release anybody and everybody who has ever hurt me, and I wish for each and everyone health, happiness, peace, and all the blessings of life. I do this freely, joyously, lovingly, and whatever I think of the person or persons who hurt me I say “I have released you”, and all the blessings of life are yours. I am free, and you are free. It is wonderful!


I now attract the right woman/man, who is in complete accord with me. This is a spiritual union because it is divine love functioning through the personality of someone with whom I blend perfectly. I know I can give this woman/man love, light, peace, and joy. I feel and believe I can make this woman’s/man’s life complete and wonderful. I now decree that she/he possesses the following qualities and attributes: she/he is spiritual, loyal, faithful, and true. She/he is harmonious, peaceful, and happy. We are irresistibly attracted to each other. Only that which belongs to love, truth, and beauty can ever enter my experience. I accept my ideal companion, now! I am building into my mentality the type of woman/man I deeply desire. The woman/man I attract for wife/husband is strong, powerful, loving, very feminine/very masculine, successful, honest, loyal, and faithful. She/he finds love and happiness with me! I love to follow where she/he leads. I know she/he wants me, and I want her/him. I am honest, sincere, loving, and kind. I have wonderful gifts to offer her/him. She/he offers me the same! It is mutual! I give, and I receive. Divine intelligence knows where this woman/man is, and the deeper wisdom of my subconscious mind is now bringing both of us together in its own way, and we recognize each other immediately.


I release this request to my subconscious mind which knows how to bring my request to pass. I give thanks for the perfect answer.


Whenever I am about to react negatively, I say firmly to myself “I am going to think, speak, and act from the standpoint of the principle of harmony, health, and peace within myself.


Creative intelligence leads, rules and guides me in all my ways. I am in a happy relationship with a kind, loving, and spiritual-minded woman/man. I am secure. I think, speak, and act lovingly, quietly, and peacefully. I now radiate love, peace, tolerance, and kindness to my girlfriend/boyfriend. I anchor my thoughts on peace, harmony, and goodwill to all. I claim that the person I am seeking is also seeking me! Infinite spirit attracts me to the right person in divine order.

 

Dr. Joseph Murphy’s Affirmations – Final thoughts

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you haven’t done so before, I definitely recommend checking out Joseph Murphy’s books and lectures. His teachings have helped me massively with my mindset, and I will be forever grateful for his work.

I would love to hear your thoughts on what you are doing to change your life in the coming days and years! If you have any questions please reach out to me via adam@adam-lawrence.org. I would love to hear from you!

4 7 8 Breathing Method – Ultimate Guide!

4 7 8 Breathing Method – Ultimate Guide!

If you’ve ever found yourself in a moment where your stress is through the roof and you struggle to calm down quickly, or you’re fighting against another sleepless night, this breathing technique is for you. The 4-7-8 breathing method, focuses on the three parts of…

40 Journal Prompts for Mental Health – Ultimate Guide!

40 Journal Prompts for Mental Health – Ultimate Guide!

Have you been feeling stressed and overwhelmed lately? When was the last time you did a mental health check-in? Mental illness is a silent killer. Depression, anxiety, OCD, panic attacks, eating disorders and other mental illnesses can be crippling. Whether diagnosed or not, we all…

14 Wonderful Quotes – W/C 16th January 2023

14 Wonderful Quotes – W/C 16th January 2023

The right quote at the right time can transform your life. Not all quotes are powerful, but every once in a while, you come across a quote that stands out from the rest.

These powerful quotes inspire you to take a step back and to reflect your life. Some of them are so incredibly mind-bending that they make you question everything.

Other quotes will challenge you to live to your full potential and to make the most of your life. They all have in common that they make you think deeply about various aspects of life.

By reading thought-provoking quotes, you can gradually change your entire worldview. There are some quotes that encourage you to look at things from an entirely different perspective, not previously considered.

Other quotes will motivate you to get rid of the things in your life the drag you down. The following quotes can be quite thought-provoking, so reflect on the meaning of those quotes that you find interesting.

If you do carefully think about these statements, you’ll see that they can help you to shed off false beliefs so that you can see the bigger picture.

Don’t shy away from thinking about challenging your existing belief system. Instead, see if you can replace false assumptions with knowledge that is more truthful.

Here are this weeks 14 wonderful quotes.

 

 

14 Wonderful Quotes – W/C 16th January 2023

 

“Know yourself, accept yourself, become the Creator.”

~ Ra – The Law of One 

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“Fall in love with your solitude. “

~Rupi Kaur 

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“Your life is your path to awakening. Stop and open your eyes: You were free from the very beginning.”

~ Adyashanti 

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“Each person is born with an infinite power, against which no earthly force is of the slightest significance.”

~ Neville Goddard 

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“Every situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity to heal.”

~ ACIM

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“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

~ J.K. Rowling 

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“I am not looking to escape my darkness, I’m learning to love myself there.”

~ Rune Lazuli 

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“When we gaze into the eyes of our beloved, we’re staring into the eyes of a sacred mirror, and we recognize our oneness.”

~ Alex Grey

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“The birds of hope are everywhere, listen to them sing.”

~ Terri Guillemets 

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“I am life. I have no name. I am as the fresh breeze of the mountains.”

~ Jiddu Krishnamurti 

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“A change of feeling is a change of destiny.”

~ Neville Goddard 

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“I AM or the awareness of Being is the only reality.”

~ Neville Goddard

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“I am blooming from the wound where I once bled.”

~ Rune Lazuli 

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“We are all one. Only egos, beliefs, and fears separate us.”

~ Nikola Tesla 

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80 Inspirational Inner Child Quotes – Wise Words!

80 Inspirational Inner Child Quotes – Wise Words!

Today I will be sharing with you 80 Inspirational Inner Child Quotes. The inner child is the childlike usually hidden part of a person’s personality. The inner child is characterised by playfulness, spontaneity, and creativity usually accompanied by anger, hurt, and fear attributable to childhood…

What Helped Me? – 3 Practices for Alcohol Recovery!

What Helped Me? – 3 Practices for Alcohol Recovery!

There have been so many practices, habits, techniques that have helped me along the way with my recovery – far too many to put into one post. Therefore, today I will be focusing on just three, which created huge transformation within at the beginning of…

Establishing Healthy Boundaries – Ultimate Guide!

Establishing Healthy Boundaries – Ultimate Guide!

Establishing healthy boundaries in relationships is essential to make any kind of relationship work. You have to draw the line somewhere and define things that are beyond compromise. No matter what the relationship is, there are some things you should never compromise on. Those things are called your personal boundaries, and honestly, they are a very important part of every healthy relationship.

The most important thing is that both sides have to respect each other’s boundaries. That’s how you’ll break down the walls between you and feel comfortable in your relationship, strengthening the bond between you two. Being any kind of relationship, whether it’s a romantic or a friendship relationship, it isn’t always sunshine and daisies. Setting clear boundaries in any type of relationship can be a very challenging.

Still, it’s also an inevitable part if you really want to make that relationship work long-term. Unfortunately, most people are afraid to set boundaries because they think it may create more problems than benefits in their relationships. On the contrary, poor boundaries or a complete lack of boundaries will damage and could slowly ruin your relationship. Contrary to what most Hollywood movies and society would have you believe, setting boundaries in relationships is healthy and necessary.

A good relationship is a partnership with respect, love, and care, not a merger of two beings. If you have trouble sticking up for yourself and keeping boundaries, this post is for you.

 

 

Signs of boundary issues

Boundary crossing isn’t just about your time, attention and energy, it can show up in many different ways. If someone devalues your emotions, they have violated a boundary. If they pry into your private business, they have violated a boundary. And if they speak to you inappropriately, they have violated a boundary.

A boundary is any line that is crossed, whatever that line might be. With this in mind, can you relate to any of the following?

  • You struggle with saying ‘no’ — and feel guilty when you do so.
  • You worry that if you refuse a request, you might damage or lose a relationship.
  • You often feel that you don’t have enough hours in the day.
  • You find some of your relationships challenging, draining or dramatic.
  • You often feel depleted or overwhelmed.
  • You like to please people and be obliging – sometimes at your own expense.
  • You feel that people don’t respect you.
  • You prefer to show your anger and frustration in indirect ways.
  • You sometimes overshare – and people overshare with you too.
  • You are the person that everyone turns to in emergencies.
  • You feel that people don’t listen to you.
  • You have frequent fantasies of running away from it all.
  • You feel that you have to answer texts and calls immediately.
  • You feel like you are losing sight of your own hobbies, passions and goals.‍

Unsurprisingly, weak boundaries can lead to mental and physical health issues such as depression, anxiety and fatigue, which is why it’s crucial to put strong ones in place. In fact, healthy limits are probably as essential to our wellbeing as taking vitamins, meditating and drinking water.

 

Your self-worth & self-confidence

Before we can start talking about relationships, we have to talk about you. Regardless of whether we’re talking about friendships or romantic relationships, having a healthy sense of self-worth and self-confidence is essential to make things work. You need to have a stable sense of identity and know your likes and dislikes before you can hope to have a happy long-term relationship with someone, otherwise you might find yourself stuck in a co-dependent relationship.

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This comes more easily to some individuals than others, but in essence, these two things are something you need to practice daily. Finding inner peace and working on your self-worth comes through exploring your comfort zone, trying out new things and seeing what clicks, as well as through therapy.

When a potential partner becomes a way to enrich your life instead of complete it, and when you wouldn’t be with anyone just to avoid being alone is when you know you have a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence.

 

 

Establishing Healthy Boundaries – Ultimate Guide!

Though boundaries are necessary, not all of them are healthy. In this section, I’ll cover some examples of healthy boundaries you can practice setting in a relationship.

 

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries refer to anything regarding your privacy, sexual orientation, personal space, and your body. People’s physical boundaries are different, which is why some may step back when someone is talking too close to them, for example. Stepping back is a non-verbal sign that your boundary of personal space has been invaded.

When it comes to relationships, physical boundaries include:

  • Not wanting to be touched in a certain way (sexually or not)
  • Not wanting your partner to go through your devices
  • Wanting respect for your personal space (e.g. not wanting someone to barge into your room)

 

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional and intellectual boundaries refer to being able to separate your feelings from those of your partner, as well as protecting your self-esteem. People who have trouble maintaining emotional boundaries usually feel influenced and affected by others’ thoughts, words, and actions.

These people also tend to feel uncomfortable and even wounded due to the effect others have on them. Weak boundaries can often affect your choices, sense of responsibility, your ability to be intimate with your partner, how you act, and what you believe.

Examples of healthy emotional boundaries include:

  • Not sacrificing your goals and dreams for the sake of your partner
  • Taking responsibility for yourself
  • Separating your feelings from your partner’s
  • Not letting your partner’s mood dictate how happy you are

 

Steps to Setting Boundaries in a Relationship

If you don’t have healthy physical or emotional boundaries, you can work on making them stronger. Baby steps and continuous practice are essential here. Before you start exercising your sense of self, we will need to address common reasons why people have trouble setting boundaries.

Working on these clears your path to a healthier relationship with yourself and your partner.

  • Guilt. If you’re not used to standing up for yourself, you may feel guilty when you finally do. This is solved by working on your self-worth and realising you are a person worthy of respect and comfort.
  • Being concerned for your safety.  If you are afraid your partner might do something that will endanger you if they don’t get their way, it is a sign you need to get out of there, and fast. Healthy relationships don’t have this level of fear in them. Research local aid centres for domestic abuse that can help you safely exit the situation.
  • Fear of rejection. Needing to be accepted all the time is a sign of poor self-confidence and self-worth, once again. Work on accepting yourself for who you are first, and realise that your partner’s acceptance doesn’t change your worth as a person one bit.
  • Fear of abandonment. When you’ve addressed the issues above, you’ll realise being just with yourself isn’t so bad. You don’t need another person to feel whole and holding on to someone just so you’re not alone is a recipe for disaster. Look at being single as an opportunity to discover more about yourself.

So, how to set boundaries in a relationship when you’ve dealt with the outcomes mentioned above?

  • Start with the little things. Whether it’s saying you want to change the location of your next date, or voicing a pet peeve that you’ve had for a long time, setting these boundaries has no real consequences. They’ll help you realise it’s not so scary and you’ll see your partner won’t leave you for them.
  • Practice saying noEven if you don’t have an explanation besides “I don’t feel like it”, practice saying no in a relationship. Remember that a good partner will respect your right to refuse to do things you don’t feel like doing, and this is a definite green flag that you’re with the right partner.
  • Ask for what you want. Whether it’s more affection or more time apart, you are entitled to it. If you feel like your needs aren’t being met, ask for what you want. This applies to sexual situations as well, especially for those who usually don’t voice their needs.

 

What Boundaries Aren’t Healthy?

Not all boundaries in relationships are healthy ones. In fact, these types of boundaries often end up hurting one or both partners. This is because they tend to be rooted in control, and even manipulation, instead of love and honesty.

Here are some examples of unhealthy boundaries that you shouldn’t put up with:

  • Controlling the way you act or dress. No one has the right to tell you how to act or change the way you dress. If your partner has a problem with your being goofy or dressing a certain way, it is a problem they have with themselves, not you.
  • Controlling who you’re friends with. The same applies to who you are “allowed” to see. Your partner doesn’t have the right to restrict your friend circle, with the exception of a friend being directly mean to them.
  • Putting only their needs first. If your partner often expects you to just deal with their whims and attitude because “it’s just who they are” or “they’re just high maintenance”, you should reconsider the relationship. This isn’t a boundary; it’s just disguised as one.
  • Ultimatums. Asking you to choose between something and them is never really a healthy boundary, no matter how much it may seem that way. Threatening to leave you because of a certain hobby or personal trait, for example, is a sure sign that you shouldn’t be with this person.

 

Setting Boundaries with Friend When in a Relationship

Getting into a relationship can also change friendship dynamics. Suddenly, there’s a new person in your life and you don’t have as much time to spend with your friends. This is natural, but the transition can still be scary and result in friendships ending if it’s not handled well.

Here are some things that you can do to maintain both a healthy friendship and a healthy relationship at the same time:

  • Talk to your friends. Be open and tell your friends that you won’t be able to see them as much anymore, but set days where they have your undivided attention. If you always have coffee on Saturdays, for instance, don’t stop doing that just because you’re in a relationship now.
  • Don’t put up with badmouthing. Some friends will point out even the littlest flaws your new partner has or only want to hear about the bad parts of your relationship. You don’t have to participate in these conversations, and you should always be able to say when you’re uncomfortable with their comments.
  • Learn to say noYou need to practice saying no to your friends as much as you do with your partner in order to establish boundaries in a relationship. You don’t always have to go out with them, as long as you still make time for them, as we previously mentioned.
  • Don’t bring your partner everywhere. If you want to maintain both a healthy friendship and relationship, don’t bring your partner to friend events unless they’re not specifically invited. You might be together, but you are still your own person with your own friends, and bringing your partner is simply too much and inappropriate.

 

Communication & Respect in a relationship

In the end, having a healthy relationship with boundaries comes down to mutual respect and open communication. Always remember that your partner is as much of a person as you are, and that you don’t have to agree with every feeling they have to make them feel comfortable and understood. Of course, other parts of this article will help you determine which boundaries your partner has set aren’t actually toxic.

boundaries

When it comes to those that are, but you can’t completely relate to them, try to imagine the situation from your partner’s perspective. The best thing you can do is exercise empathy and compassion and support your partner whatever they’re going through. It goes without saying that you should expect the same treatment in return. If you find that the relationship is more take than give even after multiple open conversations about it, then you might want to revaluate it and look for someone who treats you the way you deserve.

 

Establishing Healthy Boundaries – Final thoughts

Boundaries are about having your needs honoured by others, but they are also about honouring your own needs. So, while setting healthy limits can improve your relationships, remember that by practicing the art of saying ‘no’, you can also improve your relationship with yourself.

I would love to hear your thoughts below on what you are doing to change your life in the coming days and years. If you have any questions please reach out to me via adam@adam-lawrence.org. I would love to hear from you.

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